All posts by tammeca

“When you know how much you’re worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts”…Unknown

Dear Son,

I take it back…..You don’t have to share. Sharing sucks!

From this day forward you don’t have to share your Thomas train, your fruit snacks or your Legos. In fact, you don’t have to share anything that brings you joy ever again in life.

I’m telling you this now so hopefully you won’t make the same mistakes in sharing that I did. I unfortunately was taught to share. Growing up if another kid came up to me at the park and demanded a toy that I was using, I was expected to hand it over. Not only did I have to give up something that brought me great entertainment and joy, but I was expected to do it with a smile. This may seem crazy to you, as it should have to me, but this was what was taught during my time.

The problem is, this lesson with all its flaws, spilled over from the playground to my life in general. Without realizing what was happening, I have been sharing my joy for many years with people who have done nothing to deserve it. In fact, many people like the tantruming two year olds, simply walked up and demanded my joy, and I gladly handed it over. Subconsciously I believed this was what had to be done for someone to like me. During that phase of my life, my intentions were to be liked and accepted and so I did what was expected.

But here’s the part of the lesson, I wished I had learned sooner: Don’t do anything unless you intend to do it.

As a child (and I mean myself just 2 years ago) I was infected with the disease to please. Yes, it is a disease! I would give people my time, money, love and joy all with the hopes that they would return the favor. But guess what happened, they would leave full and I would be empty. The key is they still would leave.

My remedy has been my intentions. Once I learned that my intentions had to be about what I wanted and not anyone else, I simply stopped. I stopped sharing my joy, my fears, my gifts and my talent with people who gave nothing in return. Not because I’m selfish but because I’ve learned that it is not what you are giving away, but why you are giving it away that’s most important.

A wise man once said, “To do on to others as you expect them to do on to you, is as silly as expecting a lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat it.”

So you can share your toys, your fruit snacks or your Legos……Or Not……It’s up to you.


“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring”…..-Marilyn Monroe

Dear Mikey,

You have two really large front teeth.

Let that settle in for a few minutes…..

To help, allow me to paint a picture just so you know what you are working with. Picture a little bunny getting ready to eat a carrot. As he opens his mouth, his two front teeth glisten and shine as he nibbles away. Now insert image of yourself nibbling carrot.

In fact, that may be your nickname when you get to the big boy school……”Bunny”or “Bugs” or “Wabbit” or any derivation of those names. Let’s face it, kids are mean. So brace yourself for all sorts of nicknames.

On the bright side,  mommy is a personal expert on having big front teeth. When mommy was growing up, I had two big front teeth too ….and I hated them.

I was always very self-conscious of my teeth and even tried to not open my mouth when I smiled. As you can imagine this lead to some pretty silly pictures. But the difference between your two front teeth and mommy’s is that mommy sees yours as beautiful imperfection.

Your two front teeth add personality and flare to your already beautiful smile. When you smile those choppers glisten, giving light and sparkle to any dull day. When you talk, those two bunny teeth command and require attention. And when you smile, I see an imperfect, yet amazingly beautiful person.

Son, for some sad reason it is always easier to see the beauty in someone else versus ourselves. It took me 30 years to realize how beautiful my two front teeth were but only 1 second to see the beauty in yours. Mommy spent so many wasted years obsessing over things that no one even saw but me.

Self-image is a tricky thing my dear. It is built on a faulty image of perfection that you create in your mind and many times with no help from anyone else, you start adding unattainable criteria that only bring that image down. So before you start creating an image of yourself as the next James Bond, mommy is here to say, you have two big front teeth, yet you are amazingly beautiful.

So glad I recognized this in you so I too could start smiling again 🙂


“You are the love you seek”….-Unknown

Dear Son,

Mommy, went on a date.

I shaved my legs, put on perfume, used the good lotion and actually put on makeup. I did my eyes, put on foundation, added a little blush and glossed my lips. I spent 20 minutes picking out the perfect outfit. I settled on a sweater dress with leggings. Not any leggings, but the ones that are super comfortable but yet accentuate my bootyliciousness.

And I didn’t stop there…I put on my black boots. The ones that stop over the knees and have a slight heel that I can actually walk in. These boots are so amazing that by themselves they tell the world I’m here..and I’m cute.  I was ready.

And then like all other peacocks I strutted out with my head high and a smile on my face. And surprisingly, despite the bitter cold and nasty weather the world had taken notice of my strut. As I walked by an older man said “wow you are absolutely beautiful.” And at that moment I did something I’ve never done before…I smiled politely and accepted the compliment. I mean I fully accepted it. I didn’t question his motive. I didn’t make any jokes to hide my lack of belief. I took this man’s compliment for the absolute truth.  And most importantly I believed it..not because he said so, but because I knew it!

I then strutted down the steps to the subway. And because I was on a date, when I saw the doors of the subway open, I didn’t run like an idiot to catch the train. I maintained by stride. And then the most amazing thing happened. …the train conductor called out to me and said…”come on beautiful”. He actually held the train doors opened for me. FOR ME!

I strutted onto that train like Queen Sheba herself and firmly sat down. I couldn’t believe it. For some reason the universe knew I was on a date and they were obliging my every move.

After several stops I arrived at the movie theater…In 15 minutes my movie would start giving me time for bathroom and then snacks. I purchased a child meal (small popcorn, small drink and yes, candy!) and a hot dog. I went to my seat, took on my coat and settled in.

The movie was absolutely hilarious. So hilarious, I laughed out loud, and almost chocked a bit on my popcorn. I felt no shame when I snorted a bit during the truly hilarious scenes. That Kevin Hart is a fool. After the movie I stopped at Trader Jokes to purchase my favorite Ginger Snap cookies and proceeded to go home.

My date was finally over. As I sat in my bed reviewing the night, I realized this was one of the best dates I’ve ever had. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy myself..But I thoroughly ENJOYED MYSELF (see what I did there lol), Someone once told me “You are the love you seek” and yesterday for the first time, I am a believer.


“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”…Frederick Douglass

Dear Son,

This past Saturday was Valentine’s Day. For reference this is the day you are supposed to make mommy a card and buy her flowers. Please remember this for the rest of your life.

Now, while most people were out celebrating love with flowers, chocolates and a nice dinner, there were millions of women around the world watching a movie. This movie wasn’t like the Lego movie or Big Hero 6, because those movies actually featured real love. Instead these women were watching a movie entitled “50 Shades of Grey.”

The storyline of this movie is that a young handsome Billionaire named Christian Grey seduces a young virgin girl (mommy will explain that later) into a relationship by buying her extravagant things, such as a car, taking her on over the top dates in his helicopter, and randomly appearing at her job, home and when she is in need of help. The plot thickens when she realizes that he is into a form of “love making” that involves beatings and bondage.

Now, let me be very clear from this point out. Nothing about this movie is a Love Story.

Son, when a man seduces a young woman who clearly is unaware of her own power and lacks self esteem, this does not make him attractive…..this makes him a predator.

When a man uses his money to buy a girl gifts as rewards for sleeping with him….. this is called prostitution.

When a man who lives hours away, appears at a girl’s job in which she did not invite him or even tell him about …..this is stalking.

When a women screams in agony as she is being beaten by a whip and is tied up in bondage…..this is at the very least, Abuse.

And when a woman says no at any point before or during “love making”, and a man continues ….. this is rape.

Yes son, all of these things are wrong.

And unfortunately the launch of this movie is a clear sign that your generation will need extra love and attention. Not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because this is a where mommy’s from my generation spent their day of love. Movies like this exist only with the purpose of creating generations upon generations of psychologically damaged men and women.

To be completely honest, before this became a movie, mommy read this story when it was a book. In fact I read all (3) books. However at the time, mommy was still growing into love and had not fully realized what love really meant. Like many of these women, I too was intrigued at the possessive nature of the lead character and thought that his controlling and stalking behavior was a sign of love. I’ve soon grown and learned otherwise.

Now, you are probably wondering why I am telling you this. So let me be clear, there will be NO “Fifty Shades of Michael”.

I am raising you to be a man that respects and values women. More importantly I am raising you to be a man that also respects and values self. And with that you need to first understand that many people will not get this lesson from their mommies. They unfortunately will rely on these kinds of movies to create their definition of self and love. So before anyone dares tell you otherwise this is not love.

Sadly, I will not be able to define love for you. This lesson you will have to learn on your own, just like mommy has. I can and will however guide you towards it.

Love you always.


“To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation”—Paulo Coelho

Dear Son

After all this time……I’ve finally met someone.

It was during my Sunday morning spinning class. I’ve been going to this class for quite some time now, but this particular morning I knew something was going to be different. In hindsight, I’m so glad I wore my cute work out clothes that day. I was matching from head to toe with my tight running pants and hot pink shirt.

Sadly it wasn’t the new hottie that started in January that all the women have been literally pushing just so they could get their bikes closer to him. Yes, sometimes women can be so silly. He, like 50% of the class was only there to satisfy his New Year’s Resolution. But unlike him, my person was here to stay. My person was even sexier, smarter and all round more awesome that he could ever be.

I walked into class that day, adjusted my bike, took a sip of water…I was ready. As soon as the teacher came in she turned the lights down and started the music.

Pharrell’s “Happy” was the first song of the day. Two minutes into the song, it happened…..

It was like something out of an old love story. Two lovers eyes meeting for the first time, like kindred spirits they had known each other for years, yada yada. I had to blink twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.

But it was true…..we were kindred spirits. As our eyes met, I knew this was the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. It was our destiny to finally met. This person was AMAZING.

From one look I knew they were caring, loving, and smart. They exuded a level of confidence I only dreamed of. This was the kind of person who was successful yet humble at the same time. People noticed them, but they never noticed. It was amazing.

There was something familiar behind those eyes though……a hint of sadness, but an overwhelming yet clearly new sense of self. Wow, how could I not be captivated?

We spent the rest of class exchanging glances and subtle little smiles at each other.

And finally 58 long minutes later, class was over. I made my approach.

I swiftly walked up to the mirror, looked her firmly in the eyes and said “Tammeca finally glad to meet you”.

I hope I get to see her again soon .