Tag Archives: self love

“When you know how much you’re worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts”…Unknown

Dear Son,

I take it back…..You don’t have to share. Sharing sucks!

From this day forward you don’t have to share your Thomas train, your fruit snacks or your Legos. In fact, you don’t have to share anything that brings you joy ever again in life.

I’m telling you this now so hopefully you won’t make the same mistakes in sharing that I did. I unfortunately was taught to share. Growing up if another kid came up to me at the park and demanded a toy that I was using, I was expected to hand it over. Not only did I have to give up something that brought me great entertainment and joy, but I was expected to do it with a smile. This may seem crazy to you, as it should have to me, but this was what was taught during my time.

The problem is, this lesson with all its flaws, spilled over from the playground to my life in general. Without realizing what was happening, I have been sharing my joy for many years with people who have done nothing to deserve it. In fact, many people like the tantruming two year olds, simply walked up and demanded my joy, and I gladly handed it over. Subconsciously I believed this was what had to be done for someone to like me. During that phase of my life, my intentions were to be liked and accepted and so I did what was expected.

But here’s the part of the lesson, I wished I had learned sooner: Don’t do anything unless you intend to do it.

As a child (and I mean myself just 2 years ago) I was infected with the disease to please. Yes, it is a disease! I would give people my time, money, love and joy all with the hopes that they would return the favor. But guess what happened, they would leave full and I would be empty. The key is they still would leave.

My remedy has been my intentions. Once I learned that my intentions had to be about what I wanted and not anyone else, I simply stopped. I stopped sharing my joy, my fears, my gifts and my talent with people who gave nothing in return. Not because I’m selfish but because I’ve learned that it is not what you are giving away, but why you are giving it away that’s most important.

A wise man once said, “To do on to others as you expect them to do on to you, is as silly as expecting a lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat it.”

So you can share your toys, your fruit snacks or your Legos……Or Not……It’s up to you.


“You are the love you seek”….-Unknown

Dear Son,

Mommy, went on a date.

I shaved my legs, put on perfume, used the good lotion and actually put on makeup. I did my eyes, put on foundation, added a little blush and glossed my lips. I spent 20 minutes picking out the perfect outfit. I settled on a sweater dress with leggings. Not any leggings, but the ones that are super comfortable but yet accentuate my bootyliciousness.

And I didn’t stop there…I put on my black boots. The ones that stop over the knees and have a slight heel that I can actually walk in. These boots are so amazing that by themselves they tell the world I’m here..and I’m cute.  I was ready.

And then like all other peacocks I strutted out with my head high and a smile on my face. And surprisingly, despite the bitter cold and nasty weather the world had taken notice of my strut. As I walked by an older man said “wow you are absolutely beautiful.” And at that moment I did something I’ve never done before…I smiled politely and accepted the compliment. I mean I fully accepted it. I didn’t question his motive. I didn’t make any jokes to hide my lack of belief. I took this man’s compliment for the absolute truth.  And most importantly I believed it..not because he said so, but because I knew it!

I then strutted down the steps to the subway. And because I was on a date, when I saw the doors of the subway open, I didn’t run like an idiot to catch the train. I maintained by stride. And then the most amazing thing happened. …the train conductor called out to me and said…”come on beautiful”. He actually held the train doors opened for me. FOR ME!

I strutted onto that train like Queen Sheba herself and firmly sat down. I couldn’t believe it. For some reason the universe knew I was on a date and they were obliging my every move.

After several stops I arrived at the movie theater…In 15 minutes my movie would start giving me time for bathroom and then snacks. I purchased a child meal (small popcorn, small drink and yes, candy!) and a hot dog. I went to my seat, took on my coat and settled in.

The movie was absolutely hilarious. So hilarious, I laughed out loud, and almost chocked a bit on my popcorn. I felt no shame when I snorted a bit during the truly hilarious scenes. That Kevin Hart is a fool. After the movie I stopped at Trader Jokes to purchase my favorite Ginger Snap cookies and proceeded to go home.

My date was finally over. As I sat in my bed reviewing the night, I realized this was one of the best dates I’ve ever had. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy myself..But I thoroughly ENJOYED MYSELF (see what I did there lol), Someone once told me “You are the love you seek” and yesterday for the first time, I am a believer.